Girl Scout Troop 1613 - May 2010

I had the pleasure last week of visiting with Girl Scout troop 1613. Their quest was to obtain specific requirements so that they can earn their business badge. (Though I must admit that some of the motivation for visiting might have been to try on pretty dresses!). This group of girls was awesome. My job was to give them a little bit of an understanding of what is involved in starting up and operating your own business. In preparing, I wanted to get this group of 10 and 11 year olds thinking about things that they wouldn’t normally think about from a business perspective. While I do believe that we accomplished the task at hand, I think the gift that the girls gave to me was far greater than what I was offering them. So many different personalities...and among the traits were confidence, certainty, uncertainty, shyness, boldness, energy, reservation… etc. etc. etc. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity of sharing my business experience with them.

The onset of the gathering started a little hectic for me as I was juggling at least one extra ball, as always… but my “assistants (daughter, then mother)” quickly came to my rescue and I relaxed, smiled and settled in. The girls listened reverently. They asked questions with the raise of a hand and asked intelligent questions (beyond what I think a 10 year old should comprehend). I was surprised at their interest. My disillusionment about how children are becoming spoiled, wavered for the evening and we all had a good time. During that evening, I was reconnected with the reasons why I went into business in the 1st place. Questions were asked about the daily and unobvious expenses I incur as a business owner. What do I like most and least about being my own boss and how important it is to maintain a good reputation? I learned about the hopes of the future of these 5th graders and I took a few moments to honor their dreams. Toward the end of the session, we learned about what type of business the girls would be interested in. It looks as though I will have some competition with a few bridal store owners, but doctors, silly bands and lotion store were some other aspirations.

In the end, the girls decorated the windows of their own choice, and they did a fabulous job. Oh… and they were rewarded with a little “dress up” time which they loved.

Has anybody seen my voice?

(The story you are about to read is true.  The characters in this story and the dresses in this story have not been changed to protect the innocent.  The opinion in this story is real and reflects that of myself, bridal salon owner.)


I just finished a 1st fitting on a mother of the groom gown.  Her son’s wedding is in 3 short days and the dress just came in today!   Here is a recap of her journey as interpreted through my own professional experience.  It was just over 7 months ago when this mom came in to our salon with her husband looking for a specific dress that she thought would be perfect to wear to her son’s wedding.  She was confident and sure of herself.  After trying on the dress, she concluded that this, in fact, was her dress, and said she would return after the mother of the bride picked her color.  Though she walked away with a color in mind.

Fast forward two months.  The mom came in to order and to my surprise had chosen a  different style than the original.  It only surprised me because I was so impressed with her decisiveness in round 1,  that I judged it curious for her to change her mind.  It appears that in between her certainty and the time that elapsed before she actually ordered that other voices and opinions guided her in a different direction.  This seems to be the decade for that sort of thing.  There is so much information.  There are so many voices (real and cyber) that maintaining a firm idea of our own is sometimes met with a challenge.  Sometimes it is difficult to follow a path when there are too many paths to choose from.  This is not only true in bridal.  We are met with this challenge in every element of our lives.  There are distractions everywhere.  It is difficult to remember when I myself had a silent, meditative moment.  This is one of the reasons I push church or yoga or just locking yourself in the bathroom, for that matter.  It is a forced moment of solitude, something that seems to be threatening extinction.  This is a scary thing for me.  When are we supposed to figure things out, sort out our morals, be grateful?  Certainly not during 900 television channels, cellular phone calls, face book, or the rest of the world wide web.  Information and voices are abound and often appear to be unavoidable.

I don’t know for certain if this has anything to do with my customer or not, but I certainly suspect it and it caused my own chain of thoughts to spiral.  So anyway, back to her story.  Her dress arrived (the 2nd choice dress that she wound up ordering 1st.).  She came for her 1st fitting.  It was agreed by onlookers and our staff (and perhaps the voice that suggested the gown in the first place) that she looked amazing.  She did not agree.  The “color was wrong“.  The “dress was wrong.”  The person wearing the dress did not feel like herself.  Now this is a statement.  I was not there for her fitting, but Andrea, our alterations manager is very intuitive and sensed the customer‘s discomfort.  She left me a note to follow up on the matter.  “I don’t think she was happy, even though it looked good on her”, Andrea said.

I called her the next day.  We chatted.  I listened.  She was a doll.  I understood her words and what were behind them.  (She must have got a hold of her quiet.)  I felt obligated to make her dress right for her.  While we had no recourse on the dress that was ordered for her I proceeded forward based on the Karma that I so strongly believe in.  She wanted her original choice.  Time was really of the essence, but I like the vendor (Jordan/Catterina) and the service they offer and place a lot of trust in them.  While slightly reluctant, they gave me a super rush cut for delivery 3 days before the wedding.  I said “let’s do it” and reassured our customer that we would have the new dress but it would be close.  And although this decision may not have benefited our business from a financial standpoint, it felt good to help someone who just lost their voice for a moment.  It helped that it was a pleasant voice, (because did you ever try to listen to someone who is screaming and irrational?)  Tough to hear.

End of long story. The dress arrived as promised. The smile returned to this mother’s face.  She looked beautiful and the way she envisioned herself looking from start.  The color was perfect.  The dress was perfect.  And they all lived happily ever after.  The end.

Taking Pictures of Yourself Prior to the Big Day! (AKA: Finding out the sex of the child?)

I try to walk through the showroom on a busy Saturday afternoon and find myself dodging cameras and camera phones from every angle. Sometimes I feel like I’m playing a video game trying not to get hit. It has been a challenge for me to accept the amount of photography that takes place today compared with that of 8 (even 5) years ago. When I see someone clicking, my stomach fills with concern that the bride in the background is going to get caught in the shot and somehow be portrayed somewhere across the world wide web. It is not illogical to think in these terms. I wonder if she will mind. Most of our staff has experienced unsolicited displays somewhere online. The thinking that I needed to change is that most people are not as concerned about this as I am. I have enlisted so much apprehension over this matter but realize that I may actually be standing alone in this belief. Photo’s and information are everywhere. To help me understand the idea a little bit better, I have equated picture taking prior to the wedding with finding out the sex of the child before the birth. So many people do it. (Except for me. I did not want to know the sex of any of my four children. I loved finding out in the moment!) But if the trend has become photographing (or finding out the sex of your child, for that matter) then I respect that. And if there are still a few people out there whom want to preserve the traditions of the “dark ages” then I respect that too. So now, when the flashes are happening in our showroom, I try and compound my personal instincts and address our patrons as politely as possible. “Feel free to take as many pictures as you wish. Please try to contain these photos to the privacy of your fitting room, however, just in case the bride behind you does not wish to be in your photograph.” This way, if there is someone trying on dresses who may think like me… she is respected. As well, the 21st century bride is also respected and can satisfy whatever reasons she has for pre-wedding pix.

3rd Generation...

For the past six weeks I have been bringing Dreya to work with me. She is my teenage daughter. I had mixed emotions about this at the beginning. I like submerging myself in whatever I do and I was worried that I would not be able to separate parenting from employing. I decided to go in with an open mind. I have come to find that having three generations working together in one place is rather warm and comforting. It's a minute melting pot of it's own in a sense. First, there is the sheer wisdom and experience of my mother, mixed in with own experience and energy, sprinkled with the sponge of my daughter willing to take in any information being offered by her "employer"... not to be confused with her "mother". I like this. I am inspired by Dreya's ability to retain the information being fed to her. It's rather cool to say things one time; know that she is remembering; and will apply when necessary. It has also changed our mother/daughter time to some degree, because on the drive home we are on a different level together. I respect her as a young adult and I think she feels this. So the scale containing those mixed emotions about having 3 generations working in one place has shifted its weight. And for this, I am grateful.

The Early Days...

When I think back to “my” beginning at The Bridal Suite, I put myself at about the age of 4 hunting for treasures in the fallen beads and pearls that lay hidden beneath the gowns at the Patchogue store. Patchogue was the 1st operation, started by my parents and opening in 1963, before I was born. By 1967 my parents had proven their success in the bridal industry, and opened their 2nd location in Bay Shore . Not long after this, Bridal Suite became a 10 franchise operation, with stores in Patchogue; Bay Shore; Massapequa; Stony Brook; Huntington Station; Centereach; Stony Brook; Lake Grove; Flushing; and Fort Lee, NJ. The franchise was a one stop bridal salon. It was one store for all your bridal needs. Invitations, entertainment, photography, limousines, flowers, tuxedos, catering… they (we) did it all. My parents originated this concept on Long Island . I remember the many fashion shows with all the stores together at the Colonie Inn. My part here was small but exciting. I was 5 years old modeling flower girl dresses, while my 8 year old partner, Shane, modeled his tuxedo. I clearly remember the commentators and the craziness in the back room when it came time to change into the next gown. Off with one dress, on with the next! By 1973, when I was 7, I often spent time at work with my mom in the Bay Shore store. The back room was closed off by a curtain that the sole seamstress probably whipped up. My mother conducted her business with the customers while I conducted my own business of keeping busy organizing, filing, cleaning, doing whatever I could to fill the days, all behind the curtain. I liked it. It wasn’t long after that I graduated to “errand” girl, heading to the bank in town, the coffee shop, or the local stationary on the corner. Once in awhile, mom would reward me and we would go shopping together, in town to buy shoes. There were 3 shoe stores in Bay Shore at the time. Bay Shore was my main gig. And though I was permitted to emerge from that back room more frequently, I still felt safest behind the curtain. Up to the time I went to college and during my summer’s home, I spent time working in 4 of the 10 stores. Three of which my parents owned, and another owned by my uncle. By 1979, the Patchogue store was sold, and my mother retained Bay Shore . By 1982, the franchise rights were all bought out and the franchise dissolved, with each store operating independently. In writing, now, I get emotional because I never really reflected on how much Bridal Suite was my life. Now, every once in a while I dial the telephone numbers that are committed to my memory without looking up the phone numbers to the Huntington Store or the Massapequa store, (which now operates as “Bridal Reflections.”) These stores have no affiliation with the Bridal Suite of Bay Shore, other than the fact that they were of the Bridal Suite Franchise, once upon a time. The phone numbers from yesteryear are stamped in my brain like the memory of the 1st time I rode a 2 wheeler. Today I own the Bay Shore store with my mother. We sell gowns and accessories to the gowns. We have prom, mom, 15, 16, bridesmaids, flower girls, brides, attendants. I think that having a specialty and focusing on one special area gives our customers the advantage of our expertise. The other elements have not been stricken from our knowledge, so we are able to advise. As demanding as this business is, we have yet to stumble upon something that we cannot handle when it comes to the gown. This may be an epiphany of sorts for me. I just do my job. I put every ounce of myself into offering whatever I have. I realize now that all of the years all of the experiences have made what we “have” something that cannot be duplicated. As pioneers in the bridal industry on Long Island in 1963, we are now able to guide (and often counsel) our customers just by evolving.